he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
