sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
