Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
