my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
