Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
