ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
