I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
