Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
