there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
