I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
