you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
