You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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