Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
