Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
