I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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