It's Friday. Sex?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
