when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
