it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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