Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
