when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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