It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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