yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
