literally had 100 drinks last night.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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