with your own penis?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
