It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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