Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
