Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
