I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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