Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
