Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
