girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
