I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
