After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
