another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize