We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
