So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize