are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
