New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
do nipples grow back?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
