so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
