im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
