did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
