Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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