I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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