Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize