I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
