32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
