I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
