Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
