Jerry, you need to find god
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i will never coherently bang her
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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