Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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