Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
