I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
