textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
