Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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