I wish I could teleport
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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