Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
