so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he thought i was a dude.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
