My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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