Tell her she can't have a vagina
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
