He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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