I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
