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Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
