Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
