My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't put those talents on a resume
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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