operation have a gay friend backfired
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
