After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Everyone says I win the strip club
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
