Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
