Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
