Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
